501
Allison Renner

I wore my brother’s hand-me-downs, rust-colored corduroys that rested low on my hips and tripped me unless I hitched them up with every step. Other girls wore blue jeans that fit at the waist and hit the top of their jelly sandals. They moved when I tried to sit at their lunch table, flitting away like crows in a field.

“You’re growing too fast,” my mom replies when I ask for a pair of real jeans, but I know she means I’m too chubby for the denim constraints. She buys me a pair of cotton pants with an elastic waist. They’re denim colored but soft and forgiving, billowing around my thighs. I don’t dare wear them to school, where girls are already wearing makeup, preparing to take middle school by storm.

Later, I save money specifically for denim. Levis that rub between my thighs. Sometimes I skip meals, drink straight vodka instead of ordering a cocktail, take a tiny nibble of tiramisu before proclaiming it too rich. I picture the jeans folded in my dresser and push the dish away before I’m tempted.

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Allison Renner’s fiction has appeared in The Daily Drunk, Six Sentences, Rejection Letters, Atlas and Alice, and Misery Tourism. Her chapbook Won’t Be By Your Side is out from Alien Buddha Press. She can be found online at allisonrennerwrites.com and on Twitter @AllisonRWrites.

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